Loosing My 3 Gifts

Today I boldly talk about the 3 gifts I had and not the 3 gifts that were taken away from me.

Have you ever tried to script your life?

You think you have everything planned until God comes in says, hold up, you have no screen right credits because when am done, it will have my name all over it, because baby girl you don’t have the script I do.

I decided to expose this part of my life to continue with the self-healing journey I’m on.

I was afraid to disclose this part of my life, until I realized, being brave didn’t mean I wasn’t afraid but that it is my only option. 

I believe I went through all this to help someone, to tell someone that you can’t give up. If I am still alive and you are, God hasn’t given up on us. You will be just fine.

The last 3 months were bigger than me, they were meant to uplift, heal and restore people’s lives, I now realize it was never about me.

 I had to go through the threshing floor to be someone’s miracle of hope.

I refused to continue shutting down because I was on survival mode. I refused to mask my emotions as I was turning into something I am not.

When 2018 began I was all set for a new chapter of my life, after quitting my full time job, I was so excited to go after what I wanted, and not just what I wanted but what God put me on earth to do.

So just like you, I planned, my vision was clear. I hit start to my mind and awakened my soul for what I knew was going to be a bumpy but fulfilling journey. I didn’t care much about the bumps along the way because I knew what I wanted and I was out to accomplish it. If you know me, bumps never stop, they actually confirm to me that am doing the right thing.

You see my mum always used the illustration of a tree with very ripe fruits to explain the bumps along life’s long journey. The tree always got the most stones thrown at it, as people tried to get the fruits to the ground. Well let me put it like this, I didn’t know what I was in for.

After starting out Sugar, Spice and Everything Nice in February I sort of could envision the path my vlogging and blogging would take and unravel itself through this year.

Then in March one bump startled me, actually shook me, I lost my aunt, at the same time I was experiencing a miracle inside me, I found out I was pregnant! It was all so unreal, trying to deal with the loss of my aunt who was like a second mum to me and yet trying to be still and calm for the life that was growing inside me (so I thought)

I will never forget the excitement, of the first blood test results as I called my husband and mum crying like a baby. It was something I was always looking forward to. I was married for almost 2 years now and the thought of having a baby, (although it scared me, still does) I mean the responsibility seemed crazy and special to bear for a minute, yet having a mini me or my hubbys mini seemed like a dream come true.

All seemed to go well until mid April. I wasn’t prepared for what I was about to go through.  Looking back if I knew this would have happened I would maybe have asked God to take me home sooner than he plans to, that’s just my truth. I was at a place where my walk with God was becoming more enjoyable. I been had asking God to show me my heart and what was true and, in every way, every test that he beset I always passed. I felt as though God was cleaning me up from the inside out, maybe for the new role I was about to embrace?

Well, time came for us to go see our little peanut (that was the babies name in the meantime before we found out the gender) I kept asking my husband to set his phone reminder for the 2pm appointment we had with the gynae that day. As soon as he got to the clinic we walked in to see the doctor. I was going to meet my baby for the first time, uuh, ooh, the feeling that was! 

The doctor spotted the sac, (1 only) but not a heartbeat so he asked that we go for a 3D scan so that we have a better view of what was going on in my womb. We did, only this time 3 sacs were seen. What? I was having triplets, but no heartbeats were spotted.” What does that mean? “ I asked the radiologist. 

1st D&C Procedure

She mentioned, “I’m sorry you seem to have blighted ovum’s and your doctor should explain more.” We went back to the doctor and he explained that there wasn’t a known cause for blighted ovum’s but that he needed to book me in for a D and C to avoid getting my uterus infected.

Everything was happening so fast; how did we move to seeing 3 sacs to having a non-viable pregnancy. My babies would not grow he mentioned, eventually I would miscarry naturally and start bleeding he said, so he booked me in for theater later that week.

I went back to the car and broke down, why God, why? What is going on? it was all too much!!

My mum and I decided to hold on to faith for 2 weeks praying and trusting God that the ultrasound after 2 weeks would show something different. Unfortunately, nothing changed. 

On Mother’s Day, 13th May I started bleeding and was rushed into emergency for what seemed like the end of a miracle but little did I know, all hell was about to break loose.

My doctor was out of town and couldn’t do the D and C so he ended up asking another doctor to perform the D and C.

2nd D&C

To cut this long story short, the D and C wasn’t done properly, I still had products of conception inside me. I went through a week of pain, which was said to be equivalent to labor pains. I had to be rushed to theatre again and got a second D and C done by my gynae this time.

Before the 2nd D and C I had rushings to emergency twice only to be pumped with pain killers then eventually to theatre. I was going through treatments with doctors and nurses who couldn’t figure out the root cause of my pain (that’s a story for another blog post)

The second D and C with my gynae went well and I was at home for a good month in June trying to wake up from the longest nightmare of my life.

A few days before my mum’s birthday in June, I went back to theatre to get what seemed something bigger than a boil growing on my left armpit drained as it was full of pus. Yap, another round to theatre. The first 2 weeks of July my eczema flared up again, and I was on other spiral, fighting for my health, most of all my sanity.

Drainage

Well, I have to end this article here, let’s say, am now on a self healing journey I embarked on to get my mind, heart and soul in one peace. So far, I’m grateful for life, better and taking a day at a time.

Now you know why I have been MIA.

There is a Part 2 to this article I’m working on and a 3rd one on my self healing journey.

Keep it locked and catch up with me again soon.

Can you relate to this experience leave you comment below.

Thanks for stopping by.

XOXO,

Tabby