Dealing With Stigma Around Living With Fibroids & Infertility

Dealing With Stigma Around Infertility

Part 1

Q and A series

It is first important to understand that stigma is a mark of disgrace associated with a particular circumstance.

In this case I will be tackling questions regarding stigma brought about by infertility diseases such as Fibroids, PCOS, Endometriosis .etc.

Stigma can end up damaging ones self-esteem or what we can also call value system.

It can also put a strain on relationships.

Leave alone the stress, anxiety and pressure living with infertility diseases already causes on your body and mind.

Now let’s get into the questions.

Q1.I got married about a year ago.

My husband and I discussed and we agreed to take some time before having babies.

But I get questions around when we are having a baby all the time. Nowadays I can’t tell people I am unwell without asking if I am pregnant. I am so done.

Mrs M

Congratulations on hitting the 1-year mark in your marriage.

It’s very normal for people to be expecting a bun in the oven for any couple after sometime. Truth be the told its honestly, none of anyone’s business.

Like you, I have been there and felt the enormous pressure, though the decision on when to have children wholly lies with you and your husband.

Therefore, as hard as it may sound, mute the noise and when the pressure becomes unbearable let them know that once you are ready they will know(see)

In the event you have decided not to have children let them know as well.

All the very best.

Q2. Someone told me I am probably infertile, because am married 7 years without a baby.

It crashed me.

Mrs S

This is so unfortunate for anyone to go through.

I can only imagine the magnitude of hurt you went through.

Am so sorry.

You have the power to control what thoughts rule you though.

So get your happy back and refuse for what anyone thinks of you to be what rules your mind and life. The truth is you are not what people think or say you are.

You are what you think you are.

Q3.i have been told that people younger than me are getting kids, but “nimekalia mayai” It hurts.

Mrs A

This is so unfortunate for anyone to go through.

I can only imagine the magnitude of hurt you went through.

Am so sorry.

You have the power to control what thoughts rule you though.

So get your happy back and refuse for what anyone thinks of you to be what rules your mind and life. The truth is you are not what people think or say you are.

You are what you think you are.

Q4.How am I supposed to look aside during family Mac and Cheese lunches and embrace a diet that will help me manage my fibroids?

Also, I woke up today with a mindset to go to work and slay my outfit but because of my period even leaving the bathroom was a problem.

Story of my life. I honestly hate them.

Miss M

Girl I feel you.

Am so sorry for you to go through the symptoms of having fibroids.

How I conquer each day of my period cycle is with a positive mindset.

Each day I choose to believe is going to be the best and am only going to experience the very best because God gave it to me. Period.

I also get excited about each day because it’s another chance I get to live life and do what I love.

This way Iam able to make the best out of each day.

On diet, you are truly what you eat.

Remember fibroids are caused by estrogen dominance, you have 2 options, give up a diet that causes fibroids to grow more and for you to experience the harsh symptoms or stay with the diet and continue suffering.

It’s all up to you.

With discipline you can get the best out of your world.

All the very best.

Q5.My mother-in-law knows I have fibroids but when I had a miscarriage she told my husband that he can’t continue being in a marriage with someone who keeps miscarrying and that the reason I keep getting abortions is because I had abortions in the past.

She keeps insinuating all this things and insists that I need to get pregnant again if I want to continue being in the family.

Mrs W

This is very unfortunate to come from your mother-in -law who understands too well the struggle women go through.

I hope you husband can protect you and stand his ground and fight for you and your marriage which should be easier from his end because that’s his mother.

You should also try and address this issue with his mum preferably when his there.

Let her know respectfully that you don’t like what she said and you are not going to accept being disrespected.

I pray you guys make head way.

All the best.

Q6. The problem is even schooled people are blaming infertility on the insinuation that you must have had an abortion in the past.

Miss M

As sad as this is, it’s the reality of the world we live in!

But NO, ABORTIONS don’t cause fibroids.

Fibroids are caused by estrogen dominance.

Q7.I have been married for 5years and battling infertility yet when we went to upcountry for my brother in-laws dowry ceremony and spent the night there, the following morning one of my aunties shouted, “tupikiwe chai na wenye wamelala vizuri juu hawanyonyeshi..it hurts dear…

Mrs W

Am so sorry you went through this ordeal, because hunnie, the truth is that:

Children, DON’T MAKE FEMALES LESS OR MORE OF WOMEN!

So, protect your mind from all negativity.

Refuse to accept this, by letting her know that what she did hurt you.

Hopefully she comes around and your relationship with her is salvaged.

Q8.Jenga nyumba ndio upate 2nd born is my latest! Smh

Mrs B

I wish it was their house you were building!

The truth is that its none of their business.

Your financial independence that would dictate whether you are ready for a child is you and your husbands privacy and decision only!

PERIOD!

Let the person know this respectfully.

Q9.We broke up with my husband after my ectopic pregnancy , he wasn’t there for me and we grew apart and parted ways then we got back again, I miscarried again and am guessing we are now done for good. I smile through it and I know I will heal someday. Thank-you for encouraging us.

Mrs L

Mrs L, my heart goes out to you.

My wish is that every marriage works, as marriage was intended and created by God for companionship.

Am so sorry about the loss of your baby.

I hope you sort for help and found healing.

When pro-creation becomes impossible husbands need to respect the vows you made and protect you and even continue loving you.

Unfortunately this isn’t normally the case.

If you decide to dissolve your marriage please seek for help, I advise you see a therapist and be easy on yourself.

It’s not dark forever the morning always come.

Stay encouraged.